Fails of the World - Ep. 001
Welcome to a very special blog post, friends and lovers, ladies and gentlemen, and guy/guy lovers and others to...
FAILS OF THE WORLD!!
A new miniseries of blogposts about funnily awful things that the world have produced!
Today's episode, a.k.a. the pilot, is all about...
VIDEO GAME BOOTLEGS AND KNOCKOFFS!
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Ahh yes, Video Game Bootlegs and Knockoffs, the wild-west of all video games.
As described by the "Unauthorized video games" Wikipedia category...
These are games commercially produced for consoles but without permission from software and possibly hardware copyright and patent holders, and while possibly using content from existing games, are not rom hacks or game mods. Unlike solely unlicensed games, unauthorized games infringe on one or more intellectual properties owned by companies. As a result games in this category may include those removed due to court rulings and similar actions.
In the modern era, these "unlicensed" and "bootleg" games are very common on the markets in America and all over the world, especially in countries such as Russia and China.
Today, we will be looking at three examples of infamous bootleg video games, and give them reviews in the form of stars, à la the classic era of YouTube which used stars for ratings instead of "likes" and "dislikes" now.
So without further ado, let's begin, shall we?
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Let's begin our journey with the first bootleg game...
SONIC JAM 6
FOR THE GENESIS/MEGA DRIVE
Just look at this title screen. LOOK AT THE LETTERING AND THE NUMBER.
LOOK. AT. IT.
Honestly, I could go on for hours about this title screen, but that's not even the worst part. The worst part about the title screen is the music. It's literally the title screen theme from the SMAS version of SMB1.
And wouldn't you know it, that's exactly what the actual game is. A terrible, shit-sucking copy of the SMAS version of SMB1. Only with Sonic replacing Mario. The shit-faced assholes who made this game just slapped Sonic over their terrible bootleg and called it a day. You can't make this shit up even if you tried.
Here's some footage of some poor fuck playing through the first world of this game. (Notice the misspelling of "PRESS START BUTTOM" on the title screen, and the Mario in the bonus room. lulz)
And here's some other guy getting the ending, with Peach and all. Truly shows they didn't even try.
And now it's time for the crap rating!
*tabla roll please*
AND SONIC JAM 6's CRAP RATING IS...
★★⯪☆☆ 2.5 STARS!
Truly worthy of its rating.
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And now, it's time for the second bootleg game...
SUPER MARIO WORLD
FOR THE FAMICOM (NES)
Despite the official-ish look of this title screen, it isn't. This is merely a downgraded port done by the infamous bootleg developers Hummer Team, and it's one of their "most well-known bootlegs" in terms of popularity on the internet.
The SNES to NES conversion is terrible, the music is an angel's hymn of ass, and the controls... UGH! Don't even get me fucking started... Having played through at least the first world, I can tell you now that you need to stay clear of this curse of a video game bootleg.
As you can see, some poor god damn bastard played thru the whole thing. Can't imagine how much he had to suffer through...
Now once again, it's time for the crap rating!
*tabla roll please*
AND MARIO WORLD FOR THE FAMICOM (NES)'s CRAP RATING IS...
★★★★☆ 4 STARS!
Very impressive! But pray we never have to cross paths again Hummer...
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And finally, the moment you've been waiting for, the third and final bootleg game...
SUPER MARIO WORLD 64
FOR THE GENESIS/MEGA DRIVE
Now this one, I actually had an experience with.
It began on my birthday back in 2004, back when I had a Sega Genesis... Late in the day, I had a birthday party, in which many of my friends and relatives came. One partygoer was my grandma, who gifted me this exact game, or at least a copy of it. Later, I popped it inside and was met with this shitshow. As I played the game, I wondered "Am I playing a strange Mario game?" but I was wrong. I couldn't even beat level 2. Motherfuckers knew what they were doing.
The game is basically a shitty port of Super Mario World, only with a few original levels, terrible controls, piss-poor music (and the Jeopardy theme for some weird ass reason), and a weird black ball final boss thing.
The only truly interesting thing about this one is that there's no ROM on the 'net yet. Hopefully that's a driving force for someone to dump a ROM of it. It would be really interesting to see some guy play this game years later.
Now it's time for the final crap rating! Will it live up to the crap factor?
*tabla roll please*
AND SUPER MARIO WORLD 64 FOR THE GENESIS/MEGA DRIVE's CRAP RATING IS...
★★★★★ 5 STARS!
Deserved, mainly for fucking with my childhood. Rot in gaming hell, you spawn of Video Game Satan.
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And that's all the bootlegs! Hope you enjoyed the first episode of "Fails of the World", and if you wanna see more, comment! Tell me and I'll make more...
But for now,
Peace to the peoples, and have a good, true and honest, safe day.
Labels: fails of the world
posted by jay "doyle" kennedy on March 01, 2012
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