Fails of the World - Ep. 001

Welcome to a very special blog post, friends and lovers, ladies and gentlemen, and guy/guy lovers and others to...

FAILS OF THE WORLD!!

A new miniseries of blogposts about funnily awful things that the world have produced!

Today's episode, a.k.a. the pilot, is all about... 

VIDEO GAME BOOTLEGS AND KNOCKOFFS!

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Ahh yes, Video Game Bootlegs and Knockoffs, the wild-west of all video games.

As described by the "Unauthorized video games" Wikipedia category...

These are games commercially produced for consoles but without permission from software and possibly hardware copyright and patent holders, and while possibly using content from existing games, are not rom hacks or game mods. Unlike solely unlicensed games, unauthorized games infringe on one or more intellectual properties owned by companies. As a result games in this category may include those removed due to court rulings and similar actions.

In the modern era, these "unlicensed" and "bootleg" games are very common on the markets in America and all over the world, especially in countries such as Russia and China.

Today, we will be looking at three examples of infamous bootleg video games, and give them reviews in the form of stars, à la the classic era of YouTube which used stars for ratings instead of "likes" and "dislikes" now.

So without further ado, let's begin, shall we?

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Let's begin our journey with the first bootleg game...

SONIC JAM 6 

FOR THE GENESIS/MEGA DRIVE

Dear fucking lord.

Just look at this title screen. LOOK AT THE LETTERING AND THE NUMBER.

LOOK. AT. IT.

Honestly, I could go on for hours about this title screen, but that's not even the worst part. The worst part about the title screen is the music. It's literally the title screen theme from the SMAS version of SMB1.

And wouldn't you know it, that's exactly what the actual game is. A terrible, shit-sucking copy of the SMAS version of SMB1. Only with Sonic replacing Mario. The shit-faced assholes who made this game just slapped Sonic over their terrible bootleg and called it a day. You can't make this shit up even if you tried.

Here's some footage of some poor fuck playing through the first world of this game. (Notice the misspelling of "PRESS START BUTTOM" on the title screen, and the Mario in the bonus room. lulz)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Svz2E_uCyE

And here's some other guy getting the ending, with Peach and all. Truly shows they didn't even try.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wcnc9pWEhpY

And now it's time for the crap rating!

*tabla roll please*

AND SONIC JAM 6's CRAP RATING IS...

★★⯪☆☆ 2.5 STARS!

Truly worthy of its rating.

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And now, it's time for the second bootleg game...

SUPER MARIO WORLD 

FOR THE FAMICOM (NES)

Despite the official-ish look of this title screen, it isn't. This is merely a downgraded port done by the infamous bootleg developers Hummer Team, and it's one of their "most well-known bootlegs" in terms of popularity on the internet.

The SNES to NES conversion is terrible, the music is an angel's hymn of ass, and the controls... UGH! Don't even get me fucking started... Having played through at least the first world, I can tell you now that you need to stay clear of this curse of a video game bootleg.

As you can see, some poor god damn bastard played thru the whole thing. Can't imagine how much he had to suffer through...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZnl4eyu_Ao

Now once again, it's time for the crap rating!

*tabla roll please*

AND MARIO WORLD FOR THE FAMICOM (NES)'s CRAP RATING IS...

★★★★☆ 4 STARS!

Very impressive! But pray we never have to cross paths again Hummer...

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And finally, the moment you've been waiting for, the third and final bootleg game...

SUPER MARIO WORLD 64

FOR THE GENESIS/MEGA DRIVE

Now this one, I actually had an experience with.

It began on my birthday back in 2004, back when I had a Sega Genesis... Late in the day, I had a birthday party, in which many of my friends and relatives came. One partygoer was my grandma, who gifted me this exact game, or at least a copy of it. Later, I popped it inside and was met with this shitshow. As I played the game, I wondered "Am I playing a strange Mario game?" but I was wrong. I couldn't even beat level 2. Motherfuckers knew what they were doing.

The game is basically a shitty port of Super Mario World, only with a few original levels, terrible controls, piss-poor music (and the Jeopardy theme for some weird ass reason), and a weird black ball final boss thing.

The only truly interesting thing about this one is that there's no ROM on the 'net yet. Hopefully that's a driving force for someone to dump a ROM of it. It would be really interesting to see some guy play this game years later.

Now it's time for the final crap rating! Will it live up to the crap factor?

*tabla roll please*

AND SUPER MARIO WORLD 64 FOR THE GENESIS/MEGA DRIVE's CRAP RATING IS...

★★★★★ 5 STARS!

Deserved, mainly for fucking with my childhood. Rot in gaming hell, you spawn of Video Game Satan.

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And that's all the bootlegs! Hope you enjoyed the first episode of "Fails of the World", and if you wanna see more, comment! Tell me and I'll make more...

But for now,

Peace to the peoples, and have a good, true and honest, safe day.

UPDATE: Still not dead!

Yep, I'm definitely not dead.

Just been working on a super long post that'll come out soon.

Hopefully you enjoy it!

Trapped in the Driveway: A True, Short Story

So, true story right?

I'm just chilling at home, my mom's making dinner, my sister's practicing drama, and my other brother is probably also chilling. Then, all of a sudden, my dad comes home, and to his dismay, he was blocked by my mom's car, which was being blocked by my other brother's car.

It reminded me of that one song/soap opera/drama thing "Trapped in the Closet" by R. Kelly.

Maybe I'll make a dumb parody out of it.

I'm not dead!

Quick update!!

Sorry for the absence, I've been really damn busy with my school's transition program, and my life in general. (I got accepted into Brookdale University!)
Hopefully you can expect more stuff soon...

Ghosts, goblins, and rage

Folks, I've never played a game that pissed me off so much, but today I've met my match. And the name of this particular game is...

Ghosts 'n Goblins. (The arcade version that's on Wii Virtual Console specifically.)

I don't know if it has anything to do with me being slightly ass at vidya games or the fact that this game is just mind-numbingly retardedly hard, but I'm putting my money on the fact that it's definitely the mind-numbing retarded difficulty.

From the relentless onslaught of enemies, to the constant begrudging weapon pots that give you weapons you don't want because they suck or remove items important to your game, this game is truly the devil's spawn of all gaming, and it truly earns the title of "the most relentless game in the NES library."

It was like one day, Satan, sitting  in his fiery lair, decided to concoct the most evil game in history and put it across the world on arcade, NES, SNES, and like a bajillion other consoles. It's actually kind of mind boggling how a game of this difficulty was approved and put into stores and arcades and home consoles across the world and Chuck E Cheeses restaurants all over the US.

Why it was so balls-backwards hard? I guess we'll never know.

INTRODUCTION. POST.

So yeah, welcome to my blog.

Guess I'll post a buncha random thoughts and stories and stuffs.
Will write more some other time.